First off, let’s just get this out of the way: most of us know that I delight in eating odd things. I’ve had several posts on this blog detailing my triumphs and my failures eating everything from various forms of Easter candy to hamburgers to who knows what else. If it is fried, I’m all over it. If it is fried and candied, I’ll consider it. If it is fried, candied and comes in snazzy packaging that has lots of colors and would normally appeal only to a 4 year old child or a Harajuku girl then, you got it, I’m your man.
Angela and I were in Borders the other day so she could buy books and so that I could look through the magazines. I was like a kid in a candy store. But did I buy magazines? No. I went to the book store and bought candy.
I know. I’m not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.
More specifically, as we were waiting in line, I bought this:
The warning signs were there. A big thing of swirling fire engulfing a lolipop. Oh, but no. All I could see was multi-layered candy goodness. I. Must. Have. So my wife – that wonderful, understanding, tolerant woman that she is – dutifully paid for it for me with the rest of her books.
As we exited the Borders, I unwrapped my treasure and popped that sucker into my mouth. It tasted like I had just gone to a bad Taco Bell and run my tongue over the men’s room floor. Oh, God, this thing was horrible. Whereas I had expected a sweet delight with a center made of bubble gum, a la Charm’s Blow Pops, instead I got something similar to asking for all of the socks of a high school football team after a summer practice stuffed in my mouth.
But I bought it so I had to finish it.
It was horrendous. Angela had to listen to me complain all the way home. When we finally got back to our shack I took the packaging out so that we could re-read it. Oh…there’s the problem. Everywhere it said ‘chile’ I thought it said ‘chicle’. Whoops. Whomever thought that a chile flavored lolipop with a mango gum center would be a treat should be kicked in the throat.
I should get a government bailout for this.
17 Comments
Turd Monger February 4, 2009
Your expression(s) of hostility are quite telling
RogueKunoichi February 4, 2009
Is someone using your username? Why refer to yourself? Btw – that Rockaleta shit sounds gross. And I can’t see that picture. Fixy!
Puzzlehead February 4, 2009
Hmmm. I’ll check on the picture, Rogue. Send me some info on how you’re looking at it (browser, operating sys, etc.).
As for that first post, I dunno. Person posted here before using my name, knew info from when I was in NC and has an IP that resolves back to twtelecom.com. Here’s what shows up in the dashboard:
Puzzlehead
bigsexymonkey@designkitty.com | 66.162.193.126
Your expression(s) of hostility are quite telling
From Why I Should Read The Packaging. And Learn Spanish., 2009/02/04 at 1:06 PM
puzzlehead
youngh2@niehs.nih.gov | 66.162.193.126
I think it’s been two years.
From My Favorite Martin, 2008/11/05 at 3:15 PM
Sidney February 4, 2009
Maybe it’s that troll that you used to work with. Didn’t Lockheed lose that contract with NIEHS in North Carolina?
I can see that picture fine. And Rogue is right. That thing sounds gross. Imagine if you were forced to eat that with your wife because you were wearing your Smittens! While wearing matching Snuggies!!!!!
You know I love you!!! <3 <3 <3
Carlton February 4, 2009
I don’t know if I feel sorrier for your wife, your stomach or your ass.
OmivorousPlant February 4, 2009
Holy, crap. That looks disgusting.
btw – I hated that whore when I worked with her in NC. If she’s trolling your blog that’s just pathetic.
Puzzlehead February 4, 2009
If we’re talking about the same person, I didn’t know you worked with her. That must have been before I got to NC.
Anywho, that Rockaleta thing should be banned. My mom used to buy something that almost tasted similar way back when but I can’t remember the name of it. It had little seeds and sort of tasted like sour prunes.
OmivorousPlant February 4, 2009
Oh, yeah. I was at the EPA back then!
Katarina February 5, 2009
You should change that username associated with that IP address >:-)
Puzzlehead February 5, 2009
Thanks, Katarina! Good idea! Luckily, my posts come have my Gravatar associated with it 🙂
That user will now have their entries changed to the user name ‘Turd Monger’.
LonelyPlanet February 5, 2009
I keep squinting. Sidney, are those your boobs?!
Sidney February 5, 2009
Why, yes! Yes, they are! If you want to see more you’ll have to ask Michael 😉
Ratdog February 6, 2009
Michael, can we see more?
LMIT deserved to lose that contract and I am very bitter, yes I know.
Puzzlehead February 6, 2009
Hey, hey, Ratdog! I don’t know why I’ve somehow become the magical guardian of Sidney’s boobs. Those boobs were made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days those boobs would walk all over you.
So, uh…no.
Otherwise, good to hear from you! Hope all is well at your end of the world.
Anne February 7, 2009
When are you coming back to Cary? It would be good to see you again! If you come back I can get you a job working at SAP 🙂
If that person who commented is the same person that you used to work with then that’s really, really sad and pathetic. It would almost seem that she can’t leave you alone. She’s left comments on your Twitter site, too, hasn’t she?
Talk about classless.
Puzzlehead February 7, 2009
Good to hear from you, Anne! I’m not sure when I’ll be back in Cary but I’ll let you know if I’m ever in the Raleigh/Durham area again. Maybe when I go see my inlaws.
Anywho, I would appreciate everyone just dropping discussion of that person. She isn’t worth it, she’s tried interacting with me via Twitter and tried to ‘friend’ me on Facebook. I want absolutely nothing to do with her and am happy to ignore her.
Clare February 20, 2009
god I never get tired of hearing the various ways in which you make yourself ill.