If you remember I had my friend that I called ‘RollerGirl’ post something on my blog titled “Life and Love…or not…“. Man, after a while that nickname starts getting on my nerves. From here on out she will be referred to as ‘RacerX’. Anyhow, there were a few questions that were asked and she took the opportunity to answer them. So, with the exception of some formatting, here are RacerX’s unedited responses to your questions:
Thanks for all of your responses! These are the questions that I’ve pulled out and am going to try and answer for all of you:
“…And what would you do if you find yourself falling for someone and that person is already taken?”
RacerX: Well I don’t know exactly. Since I am in this position currently I will tell you how the course is running thus far. But first I will start by saying that I would never want to be the reason for a couple to split up. I now, remain friends with this person and just let things take the course that they are; strictly as friends that is. I respect this person’s relationship and would never want to be on the other end so I would never cross any boundaries or step on anyone’s toes so to speak.
“What are you looking for in a man?”
RacerX: I am looking for someone who I can laugh with, someone who respects me, someone who shares the same interests I do, someone who doesn’t lie… Someone that I can look into their eyes and it doesn’t scare me or just that I want to do it in the first place, someone that likes adventure and is not a bore. ‘There is time for sleep when you die’. Someone to cuddle with and to love passionately and deeply. Someone who believes in and acts upon chivalry – a true gentleman. Someone who wants a family and believes in the sanctity of marriage. Someone who loves me for me.
“And have you met anyone that comes close to what youβre looking for?”
RacerX: Yes… But I cannot have him and I respect that. However I can hope that I will find someone who possesses some of this man’s many loveable qualities to stumble upon my own true and unconditional happiness one day.
“One point to ponder, though, is that when you say a few months down the road the person changes are you sure that it isnβt you who has changed?”
RacerX: I believe things change as couples get to know one an other. I think growing together is key though. Also it is all fun and butterfly-ish in the beginning. After a while maybe it is just the persons true colors coming out. I think a lot of my past relationships failing have a lot to do with me and the other person just simply not being on the same page.
“However, are you looking for fulfillment because others are getting married and having kids or are you looking to make yourself happy? Or is it both? “
RacerX: I am absolutely looking for fulfillment to make myself happy, not that I am not happy without it, but it is where I am in life. Nothing would make me happier to be married to the love of my life and have a family with that person. The people I love around me having those things just make it harder that I do not and am not even close, but I am optimistic and I know that things can change at any moment.
And there you have it. Feel free to ask her any other questions and I’ll make sure she gets them. She may answer them or she may not. I think it is fascinating that, age issues aside, all she wants is what everyone else wants: someone to love and respect her. And she deserves it.
FIRST POST! I’m amazed I beat michael’s Australian contingent from posting to this one first π
I once fell in love with a woman who had a boyfriend. We went out, had lunches and dinners and occaissionally got together just for kicks. She knew I had feelings, I knew I had feelings. You probably have some idea of how badly I wanted to be with her. I even had fantasies that she would recognize that my love for her was greater than anyone else’s and that she would leave her boyfriend and be mine.
Sometimes that happens, sometimes it don’t. This time it didn’t. it remained a fantasy; a wish. I finally came to accept and appreciate what time we had together. for a while it was tough, but I wouldn’t trade my friendship with her for anything in the world.
Trust me when I say that I would have killed for the opporunity to sleep with her or
make out with her π I kick myself on the pants for never finding outwhat that was like!
Good luck with everything, RacerX. I think Michae is right that everyone wants something similar. You’re lucky you found someone like you did at all. who knows? somehow things might work out. Enjoy him for what you have while you have him
Oh, Love. It will be ok. I can only guess which neanderthal that you are crushing on. Trust me, it sounds very familiar to me…
It sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and that you know what you want. I wouldn’t settle for anything less. I also applaud you for being frank about your feelings for your ‘friend’.
I know that it is hard seeing that special someone that you ‘love’ with another person. But at least now you know that nice guys do exist. Finding them is difficult, especially if you are trying to find one that could only aspire to be like the one you currently have feelings for.
I once had GINORMOUS feelings for a delightful young man. He was, to say the least, one of the nicest people I have ever met. Easy to talk to, worldly, respectful, proper, warm and inviting. He was, and still is, everything a woman could want in a man The only thing that I may never forgive him for was trying to get me deported from the United States π
Someday reminisce about this time and you’ll be thankful that you finally did meet someone like ‘him’.
Screw love.
Get a cat.
Clare’s funny π you should get a dog instead. You won’t be known as the crazy cat lady when you become a spinster π
Now, I heard from a pretty upset little bird that you really hurt the feelings of the man that you hold in such high regards. if this man means so much to you and goes out if his way to treat you with so much respect – almost like a princess – how could you turn around and insult and embarass him publicly? Did he really deserve what you did to him when you were HIS date?
when I first read you first and second posts I thought you were better than most of the drama queen 20-somethings. When I heard what happened I lost much respect for you. Think long and hard about the man who you just hurt.
Oh, this sounds intriguing. Kristin, you’re in NC, right? I’ll be flying into RDU and I’ll be in RTP for a few days. You’ll have to fill me in. Get my contact info from Michael.
Now, not knowing what happened and merely going off of Kristin’s remarks: that sounds very two faced. How could you confess that you have such deep feelings for someone and then somehow stab him in the heart? Did he do something to cause you to betray and hurt him? Was everything that you wrote above that flimsy or simply a one sided argument? “I want this and to be treated like this. However, I want to do whatever I want and walk all over this ideal man.”
What kind of person are you?
Before you can even expect to get such an ideal, high quality man I suggest looking at yourself first and how you treat others. Contrary to what Michael said, you don’t deserve what you’re looking for. You only deserve what you put into a relationship.
If you treat a nice guy like Michael like shit then you probably will end up with losers the rest of your life. It’s all karmic justice.
I can answer those questions pretty easily Haley.
Immature. Thats the answer. She’s immature. Someone who claims to love someone and then hurt them in the way she did is nothing more than a spoiled child who throws a hissy fit when she wants what she can’t have, which is just too damn bad. The type of person who can’t see past the end of their own nose to see that someone they supposedly care about is hurting because they are too busy spinning their own drama to focus the attention back on themselves.
The same type of people who want the perfect relationship but expect the other guy to do all the work.
Seriously. Few things irk me more than people who fuck over my friends by acting like shitheads so they can try to evoke some sort of petty jealousy.
If you need that kind of validation, ask. Want to know how he feels about you? Ask him. Want to know if he gives a shit? Ask him. It’s really not all that complicated.
So like I said fuck love. Get a pet, at least they won’t treat you like shit as long as you continue to feed them.
Ok. Now I’m curious. What happened? The public wants to know! Or is it “too personal”?
Its pretty simple.
Girl says she likes boy. (For the sake of argument pretend that boy is Mikey,even if he does have a murse).
Boy takes girl out.
Girl acts like an ass.
Boys last feeling gets hurt.
Boy has to buy shoes to make himself feel better.
I might have made the last part up.
I feel like I’m watching one of those teenie bopper shows.
RacerX – Good luck. I don’t really know what’s going on but I hope you find someone who fits you the way Micha…uh, this ‘unknown friend’…does. Shit. If I was a woman I’d fall for him. Stupid fucker is such a nice guy.
Clare – you scare me. How you doin’…? Me likey scary women.
Although I’m curious, if I don’t find out what happened I’ll wait until Sidney posts. I’m sure she’ll have something to add sooner or later. And, DAMN, if she isn’t hot. I hate you for that, Michael.
Im not scary!
Ok. Im a little bit scary but I make up for it by not being completely insane.
Ok. Im a little bit insane but I make up for it by not being a massive slut.
Ok. Imn a little bit of a massive slut, but I make up for it by…God damnit never mind.
Great! An insane, massive slut! As long as I hide all the sharp objects in the house you’re welcome over any time π
So, here is a question for RacerX. People are saying that you hurt Michael’s feelings with your actions this past weekend. Do you recognize that you did that? Do you care? If so, do you feel any remorse?
I just don’t get it. If this person means that much to you then why go out of your way to make him feel like shit?
Searching for someone to fit your many ideals is hard. Whether it be Michael or someone else, those are some pretty lofty attributes that you’re looking to hang on someone.
Let me ask yet another hypothetical question. Let’s say Michael somehow becomes available. Boom – there you are. Someone who manages to fulfill each and every one of your requirements. Then what? What do you bring to the table? What do you have to offer him? Honesty? Fidelity? Loyalty? Compassion?
Respect?
If he has given all of this to you before he’s even available, shouldn’t you be giving something back in turn of equal value? Isn’t that the way this all works to make a relationship successful?
Also, a lot of your requirements are very idealistic. What about more concrete references? What should this man dress like? Does he have to be drop dead gorgeous? Does he have to be great in bed or is it something you can look past?
You have this ‘friend’ that is the epitome of the type of guy you want to marry and have a life with someday. I’m going out on a limb to say you haven’t slept with him. Have you ever considered it or, at the very least, imagined it? Was it good? Bad? Forgettable?
Hey, I’m only asking the questions that pop into my head. I imagine having sex with almost every other person on the street.
There are so many sides to this and I don’t want to take up too much space. I have heard only one side of this and, I must confess, it was pretty saddening. Let me start off, then, by saying this directly to RacerX: I don’t care what your ultimate agenda is. If you make a commitment to someone then you better make sure that you do everything in your power to uphold it. Even more so, respect the person that you are with. From what I’ve heard, you’ve pretty much screwed any possibility of almost any type of relationship with the guy that you think is so great.
If I was in your position, I would make with the apologies as soon as possible. And, seeing how it is now Monday and he hasn’t heard from you at all, you’re pretty much putting the last nail in that coffin.
This is what troubles me: I know that RacerX is a few years older than I am. For some reason I feel that I have a more realistic and, dare I say it?, mature outlook on relationships. Wants and desires are fine. Fantasies and ideals are great. But eventually reality is going to play a major force in the type of relationship you end up in.
If you can’t even be a proper date for then how can you expect him, or any other man that lives up to your ideals, to respect you much less trust you? You have, in effect, slapped a good man in the face.
I know Michael is married. The relationship between the two of us has evolved past the mutual infatuation we both have. I can honestly say that I love him with all my heart and that, I too, hope to find someone like him some day. I’ve also been his ‘date’ a few times. He has either been a fun drunk to be around and/or a perfect gentleman. Going out with him is almost always like that – perfect. And he works hard at it. He takes the time to worry about you, look after you even if he’s sloshed. After a wonderful evening of dinner and copious amounts of alcohol, he held my hair back while I was hunched over the toilet hurling, rubbed my back and reassured me that everything would be fine and that I was still gorgeous. And then he brought me home, made me gargle with some listerine and then put me to bed and made sure that I was safe.
I think it is great that you’re looking to find someone that isn’t like most of the lame bottom dwellers at the shallow end of the gene pool. I also think that you’ve picked a good role model to base your decision on. I do, however, think what you did to him was tasteless and low class. For me, that is unforgivable.
I don’t know if I can add any more to what everyone else has already said. LonelyPlanet made a very strong point: What do you bring to the relationship? From what I’ve heard, you’re really not serious at all about finding a man who emobodies all those qualities. You’ve talked good game to this point but your actions have betrayed you.
Unfortunately, you’ve also betrayed one of the nicest men around.
I do know that if you’ve burned someone like Michael then you’ll have to go a LONG way to earn his trust back. Knowing that the two of you have ‘special circumstances’, I suspect that you will go back to the way your relationship originally started out. He’ll keep you at arm’s distance and most likely only engage in conversation with you only if it is absolutely necessary.
While working with him while he was at USAID I burned him. It took a long while for him not to be upset with me any more. We’re talking over a year and I would try and try to patch things up. He. Was. Pissed.
I was in the wrong. I know I was in the wrong. He knows I was in the wrong. For the one night I treated him like shit I paid for it in spades. And he was absolutely right. I deserved it. It sounds like it was just as bad as how RacerX behaved. What’s worse is that I tried to deny that I did anything wrong when he knew the truth. And this made him even more enraged.
I hope you apologize for your behavior. Be honest. Either that or be prepared to kiss whatever type of relationship you have good-bye and be considered just another one of the faceless masses.
No shit. He’s like an angry, old elephant.
Now you just need to get him pissed off enough to get into a fist fight! Then watch all the fun ensue! Make it fair and make it 3 against one!
So, RacerX, after all of this going on how do you feel about your friend that has all these wonderful qualities? Sounds like you guys went through a lot this weekend. Is he a jerk? Is he still a great guy? Is he mean? Is he understanding?
C’mon…whattup?
RacerX – girl, you fucked up.
Wow! So sounds like I have been hit here pretty hard. At first glance I wasn’t going to respond, but it is clear that many of you have only gotten one point of view here and second and most importantly Michael and I clearly have completely different views on Friday night. Where do I start? Do I start with the fact that we were out with our co-workers?! I mean come on! How obvious should we be here? All of you who know Michael so well, know that he tends to get very affectionate after a few scotches, right? We were also with some of his friends, one who was telling me how Im just another one of “Michaels girls” which is already clear to me. They’ve met Allie, I’ve heard about numerous others. Quite frankly I feel bad for Angela! But thats none of my business, right? Just because Michael heard that I dissappeared into the night with another guy to do god knows what, well maybe he should ask me before insulting me like he knows. I told the other guy just like I have told Michael… I am not going to put my life on hold for an unavailable man. And I would hope that any decent man would respect that. I am sorry if noone understands or respects that. Believe me I love Michael, he is wonderful and I am sorry things got out of hand I hurt him by not staying with him or tending to him like he would have wanted, but this is absurd. There is a point where I had to draw the line. How far should I let things before I got crushed, like Im sure many other of you women yelling at me on here! Call me immature, tell me I fucked up – but you weren’t there and you don’t know me and don’t forget your only hearing one side of the story. Believe me there is more, the are other reasons that I knew I MUST back off, but I do not feel they are appropriate to post. So before you go judging me – get all of your facts straight and don’t throw stones when you live or have lived in a glass house!
HAHA! I think we all know he gets affectionate when he drinks π
Yes, I knew it, too. I will say that he’s a gentle kisser.
…
Please don’t ask any more than I’ve already told.
God. Nothing is cuter than someone blaming the alcohol. Which is exactly where this is going. That and “YOUVE DONE IT TOO”, and no, I haven’t.
You can say you love anyone until you’re blue in the face but actions speak louder than words.
Seems like you fucked up something wicked.
I love you, Clare.
That’ll cost you $100 an hour.
But if you’re cute, we can talk.
Whoops. You’re screwed…
Rich? Funny? Nice?
Work with me here.
This post gave me diarrhea…. but that could be the ebola acting up.
Everyone fucks up, because no soul is perfect.
Everyone has the right to fall in love, some have no control.
Michael is a wonderful man with qualities that are sadly not seen or experienced very often these days.
Michael is also married to one of the most wonderful and understanding women i know. (understanding is an understatement)
Girls (and a few women….), you know he is taken. Why even put yourself in the positions you put yourselves in? Love the brown guy for who he is and enjoy that, but draw the line. Why prey on something you know is taken? Why set yourselves up to be hurt? A friend is a friend is a friend. Have respect that he loves all as friends and treats you how he thinks every woman should be treated, feel good about it. Don’t create unneccessary drama or scenarios. Take control of yourselves. Michael enjoys each person in a special way. He’s so easy to talk to, humorously and seriously. He’ll have you walking on cloud nine just by being him. That’s a wonderful person there, ladies. But he also doesn’t hide his family life. …so….commonnnnnnnnnn.
Get a vibrator and name it Michael if need be. Flattery comes in all forms …..and sizes…..
Ok, kids. Playtime’s over. I’m putting all the sharp instruments away before anyone gets hurt.
And buy ‘anyone’, I mean ‘me’.
And by ‘hurt’, I mean ‘stabbed in the face’.