It’s almost December and I can already hear Andy Williams merrily singing everywhere I go
“It’s the holiday season
And Santa Claus has got a toy
For every good girl and good little boy
He’s a great big bundle of joy
He’ll be coming down the chimney, down
Coming down the chimney, down…”
Which, I have to say, is better than hearing him talk politics. Mental note, celebrities: you dance, sing and tell jokes for me to entertain me. I don’t give a rat’s ass about your political views.
Angela and I started a little Christmas shopping a few weeks ago. If you haven’t noticed retailers marketing their products as Christmas presents early…like around Valentine’s day. Along the way we kept running into that phenomenon known as the Snuggie, that blanket with sleeves that makes you look like you’re very warm and comfortable Druid or monk.
In the past year or two we’ve been overwhelmed by their novelty. These things are everywhere. I caught wind of the animal print (either leopard or zebra!) Snuggie when I went to a baseball game over the summer and I stopped in the Bed, Bath and Beyond in Chinatown. I was going to pick it up for Angela as a surprise gift until I realized that I’d have to lug that with me into the baseball stadium and everywhere else I went. Nothing says ‘dufus’ like dragging around a leopard print Snuggie on the Metro, to a bar, a baseball game or strip club. Then again, I should have probably put a hat on it and treated it like a human companion. I could have sit it on the bar, given it it’s own pint.
Dammit, Snuggie! Get off the stripper!
It was no surprise that we’d be inundated with so many other variations of this cool-yet-uncool contraption. What was a surprise was the number of variations and knock-offs that we encountered.
Click on the thumbnail for the larger image.
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- Ok, what’s wrong with that woman’s head? Why the hell would you Photoshop a different head?! They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery. I’m not sure I if I would laugh my ass off or feel offended if I ever received this Snuggie knock-off, the Cuddlie.
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- Don’t want to feel lame for buying a Snuggie? Head on over to Bed Bath and Beyond for the Cozy Cuff Throw.
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- The Pet Snuggie. Yet another way to further humiliate your dog.
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- The Peekaru by a company called TogetherBe. This is like performance art. We call this “The moment of birth…if you’re in the movie Aliens”.
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- I’m not going to tell him that Snuggies are out of style.
This year, I’m going to carry around my cat in the Peekaru while wearing my Smittens and give Angela a Snuggie. Or a Cuddlie.
Waugh. I feel like a complete idiot saying all of those product names. I can mentally hear myself saying it like it was all baby talk and said in that condescending, high pitched sing-songy way.
The Cuddlie says “One size fits most”. Either it is pretty small or you have to be pretty fat not to be able to stuff yourself in that thing. I <3 my Snuggie 🙂