…I lied. I wasn’t really drunk.

Well, I was buzzing. I still have a really high tolerance to alcohol. REALLY high. My friends Andrew, Mika and I went out last night, April 3rd, and I absolutely needed to go out for some drinks. Unbeknownst to Andrew I needed something to cut the edge off all the emotions I was feeling.

April 3rd is always a day that I struggle with. I try really hard to hide how emotional I am to people. Inside? I am crushed.  We’re talking curled up in the fetal position, tucked away in the corner of my soul, bawling like a baby crushed.

My Dad passed away on April 4th, 2007. In a hospital on the other side of the United States. I didn’t really get to say good-bye.

So, last night I went out to try and escape this overwhelming sadness inside me. The booze and the company did well. Mika left for a date so Andrew and I decided to go to another bar that we used to frequent. At some point Andrew left for a piddle break and a smoke and I was left alone with my booze.

And my thoughts.

Rather than drown myself in more cider and a bottle of scotch I decided to start texting people. It was completely selfish of me, asking you guys to unwittingly keep my spirits up. You have no idea how much I appreciate you being there – whether you responded or not; whether you cheered me on or humored me and reminded me to be safe.

So, thank you, drunk text recipients. You helped a grown man through a very personal, difficult situation.

And thanks to Andrew and Mika for going out last night. They didn’t know what was going on but I can’t express how much I needed that.