I pretty much missed lunch today. Come to think of it, I also missed breakfast. If you don’t count the 6 cups of coffee and 4 glasses of water that I drank then I had absolutely nothing for my first two meals of the day. My brain was getting a little fuzzy, too. I couldn’t think straight; couldn’t see straight. 3:30 rolled around and I was tapping away diligently on my keyboard and then it hit me – I’m too lazy to cook tonight. In my weakened state I couldn’t even lift a finger to boil water. A light bulb suddenly went off in my head: have someone else cook for you, fool! That’s when I hit my next obstacle.
Pizza vs. Chinese food.
I sat there working and mulling over which would be better. Both are awesome cold the next day for breakfast. Pizza = 16″ pepperoni with a side order of fries; Chinese = sesame chicken with pork fried rice and some lo mein. Dear lord. I’m glad I automatically take into account the Tums that I would need. Pizza. Chinese. Pizza. Chinese.
I opted for the ‘za and picked it up on my way home.
This thing was AWESOME. When I walked in the apartment the dogs rushed the door barking at me. When they realized I had my ‘za in my hands they both became very quiet and sat down, eyeballing my steaming box of pizza goodness. I put it on top of the stove and took the dogs out for a quick walk. All three of us sort of dance along with visions of pizza slices dancing in our heads.
When we returned from our walk we got everything ready – bad kung fu movie in the dvd player, two napkins, glass of water and a plate containing two gigantic wedges of crust, tomato sauce, cheese and pepperoni. Man it was good. Coupled with the fries (damn! no tater tots!) it was a nice, filling dinner…
…and breakfast…
…and lunch.
And then the dogs and I got another brainstorm: how would this compare to a national chain’s pizza? Yep, you guessed it. The next night we ordered Domino’s for delivery. Bad idea. The small chain’s ‘za was definitely superior. We ordered Buffalo wings with our Domino’s. I should have asked for a Mylanta milkshake.
I think I’m going to be sick. Someone hide the phone and the number to Pizza Hut from me.
I leave you for a little bit and this is the trouble you get yourself into! My sweet, I love you to death but you’ve always had the oddest eating habits. I’m amazed your stomach hasn’t started rejecting the rest of your body in protest.
Quiet, you. I’m sitting here staring at a flyer that has coupons for Pizza Hut. Little red devil on my shoulder is saying ‘DO IT! DOOOO IIIIIIIIIT!’ while on my other shoulder the little angel is saying ‘I’m with him! DOOOO IIIIIT, ASS MONKEY!’.
Found this googling “Mylanta Milkshake”.
(Actually duckduckgo-ing… later google turned up two hits, older still, but this will always be first in my book!)
Pleased to see someone got there first, and someone with good humor, and still standing on the Web 17 years later! Maalox even still existed as a competitor back in these heady 2007 days. “Maalox Milkshake” must have more “mindshare”, as it turns up more hits.
Hope your tummy treats you well over the years! : )