So, I’m sitting here at my computer and I’m staring at my dogs. They just happen to be sitting next to me, sleeping as I work. I am so happy to have such goofy dogs. So much so that I am not sure that I ever want to have children. I mean, look at the picture of Angela’s dog, Tobey. Come on, he doesn’t talk back to us, doesn’t steal money from our wallets, won’t have a drinking problem, will never ask for money from us while in a college that will ultimately bankrupt us. What does he do? Aside from the copious amounts of poop that he generates and the eating of the buttons off my boxer shorts all he does is crave attention.

Everytime we go out to a restaraunt or in public I can feel my reproductive organs shrivel up like a prune whenever a small child screams, cries or runs around without supervision. I know, I know – you’re going to tell me that the brunt of this is due to parenting. I just don’t have the patience or tolerance for it. I just don’t know if I can take this genetic amalgamation of my wife and me to demand so much of our time.

And yet…

I’ve been told that I would be a great father. I have always wondered what kind of father I would turn out to be. Would I be like my dad? A hands off, quiet man who just wanted to make sure his family was taken care of? Or would I be an ass with expectations set so high that my child would eventually rue the day he/she was born? There have been times when I have actually seen small children and pictured myself holding them, protecting them, teaching them and loving them.

Here are my views from our Nest-Egg forum

I’m Selfish At the moment my life is complicated as it is. I am not sure how I would be able to budget my time considering that I often feel that there are barely enough hours in the day for me, my wife, my pets and the rest of my family. I dare say that there is more that I want to do that having a child would severely complicate matters. So, yes. I am selfish. Before I do make that plunge into parenthood I want to be sure that I’ve exhausted as many of the goals/desires that I have for myself and my wife.

I’m Scared I know that there are parents on these boards. Some had planned families, others didn’t. In the end it doesn’t matter. Bringing a child into this world is a very, very large responsibility. Although I’ve been told by several people that I would make a stupendous father, I don’t know if I have the strength to be the guardian to someone so small. And the world today is frightening. Is it any worse than it was previous years? Maybe, maybe not.

Again, I have the utmost respect to all of you who are parents. I often sit in awe at those who have children who know how to behave in public and who have such close bonds. But, sad to say, I can’t bring myself to sacrifice my current lifestyle or immediate future plans.

I know I don’t want children now, but will I ever? Is the idea of parenthood something that I should start entertaining? Will I be incomplete as a human without ever having children? I mean, hell, I don’t even know if I can have children. And how, exactly, do you check for that? Go to a fertility doctor and ask about the quality of my…uh…well, you know…to make sure everything is ok?

I think I’ll go check my magic 8-ball. Better yet, I’ll check the sarcastic magic 8-ball that Laura gave to me as a birthday present this year. I think whatever answer that thing gives me will be just as good as any.