I got news today and I’m not sure how to take it. One of my girlfriends, we’ll call her “Lisa” to hide her identity, has a new man in her life.

Lisa and I never really worked together when I was with the large, coroporate behemoth. She worked on a different contract and we only got to meet each other through mutual friends. I had seen her before and wondered who she was; she is a very attractive woman who gets lots of glances from the guys. Eventually she became what my friend Lila called part of my ‘brunette harem’ – a group of wonderful dark haired women that I completely adore (over the age of 38, mind you).

I really enjoyed playing with Lisa. As part of my harem we would trade baudy jokes and flirt with with each other. We all knew what the score was: all fun and games and nothing serious. It was good times. We’d talk about shopping, sex, relationships and everything under the sun. Don’t think that I didn’t consider biting her though. Meow!

But alas, there is someone else now. Someone else who will get to play randy games with her and get all sorts of frisky with her. This guy has everything over me. He’s better looking, better behaved and most likely infinitely smarter than me. I mean, come on! I’m Asian! How the hell am I supposed to get a hairy chest or facial hair?! I can’t compete with that! It isn’t fair. I never even got the chance to bite her.

Which is why I say “Son of a bitch.”

How can I compete with her new guy, Lassie? How can I compete with emails that say “I think I am in love. I know I am in love.” when talking about him? Oh, bother. I don’t think that I can. All I can do is hope.

Hope that one day I’ll be able to scratch his tummy, too.