Here’s the Love

• I have an affinity for hotels. I don’t really have to travel, mind you. I just love hotels. What better place is there than a hotel? Think about it: daily maid service, normally a restaraunt is located within the hotel. Room service. Leaving your towels on the floor. Come on! What’s not to like. Someday I’ll share my favorite hotel stories with you 🙂
• My pets yawning. I don’t know why I enjoy this. I think I love this because my pets are so sweet and innocent and it is just such an adorable action. When Farley does it when I come home from work, he also lets out this gutteral growl.
• Vending machines. You can get almost anything from a vending machine! French fries, hot chocolate, SAMMICHES!!! And all for a few coins! The people who invent these marvelous machines must be gazillionaires and rocket scientists. I get so much gratification out of dropping in some money and getting something back. It is sort of like playing a slot machine but I know I’m going to win a honey bun!

Here’s the Fear

• Babies. Ew. It isn’t that I just hate kids – the freak me out. Such fragile meat bags. They say you can drop them and they’ll be fine, but do I really want to find out? I can’t stand the thought of their drool and crap all over me. Ugh. And some of them smell like vomit because, well, they blew chow over themselves.
• After using the bathroom (ok, taking a crap) I have to have the lid on the toilet down. I have this fear that as soon as I press the lever and flush that the toilet is going to explode and spew filthy water and excrement back at me. You know, sort of like the Potty’s Revenge: Oh, ho…shit in me, will ya?! Take that!
• I have an irrational fear that I’m going to trip and fall and either a) do damage to my crotch or b) somehow poke out one or both of my eyes. Wearing contact lenses doesn’t help. I really, really, really don’t want anything to happen to my genitals, either. Well, anything bad.

However, on a more emo level – I fear insignificance.