Here are several things that just completely piss me off. Sort of like the anti-Sound of Music thing. But with no music. And, unless you hum while you read this, no sound.
Prime Time Game Shows
It drives me bonkers the way ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?’ became a standard for many of the game shows on television during prime time. Granted, if I were a more intelligent mammal I’d change the channel or leave the room. We’re talking about me here, remember? I hate how they:
- Have ‘dramatic music’ using synthesized horns and strings.
- Have that all those damn flashing lights
- Stupid ass contestants have to explain their thought process: Well, I know that I shouldn’t drink hydrochloric acid and gasoline is pretty flammable. I’ll pick choice ‘A’ – water is the best liquid for making snow cones.
- Oh, let’s make it all suspenseful! Let’s make everyone wait until after a commercial break for some type of answer or result! Yes, you can screw yourself, too, American Idol.
What happened to shows like ‘Sale of the Century’ where people we just quizzed and they responded with an answer? Now we have all these shows that look the same and are just as crappy as one another. If there is any type of justice we’ll have a broadcast of these game developers playing Russian roulette.
Digital Camera Users
I know most of you own digital cameras. I also know that at least a few of you have pulled off the offenses that I’m about to rail against. And for that, I’ll partially forgive you. Partially. You still deserve a swift kick in the pants. What am I talking about? People who take their picture with a digital camera using either a mirror or holding it at arm’s length and snapping the picture. Helloooooo. Have you heard of a timer? Some cameras even come with a remote. But will that stop you jackholes from standing in front of a bathroom mirror and snapping your own pic? I doubt it. BTW, nice flash you got in your pic, tard.
Trucker caps
Do I really need to get into this? Never mind the fact that it was dumb when it made a comeback a few years ago. If you’re still sportin’ one of these fine wire mesh caps then you deserve the ridicule that you get.
Britney Spears
The chick is a fruit loop. We all know this. But wouldn’t you attack a defenseless SUV with an umbrella, too, if you constantly had people in your face with cameras? I don’t blame her for flipping out. After being under so much scrutiny with paparazzi in your face all the time you’re bound to lose it.Maybe she’s like all those Japanese kids who had to go to the hospital after watching an episode of Pokemon and the flashing lights triggered seizures. Then again, maybe I’m just over celebrity reporting all together. It all seems so worthless.
Drug/Medication Commercials
Ok, I’m having trouble with allergies. Watching the commercials on television for some pills to help alleviate my misery seems like a good idea. Until you start to hear about their potential side effects, like sleeplessness, irritatability, dry skin, explosive diarrhea. Wait, wasn’t I taking the pills to escape all that?
Alarm clocks
I hate alarms. I use my cell phone as my alarm clock and, more often than not, I wake up before it goes off. What’s worse is that there are times when I’m having a kick ass dream and right when I get to the good part the alarm goes off. For instance, I was telling Angela about a dream I was having the other night. I told her that I dreamt that I was in some sort of competition and I somehow found myself laying on the ground with a really hot brunette on top of me. First I was laying face down and she was massaging me for my competition. Then I remember rolling over and she was on top of me, her long, dark hair draping over her shoulders and she was topless. She had a really sexy look in her eyes and right as she leaned forward and we were face to face, she slowly opened her mouth and said – BZZZT! BZZZZT! BZZZZZ!
DAMN YOU, ALARM!!
And then when you try to go back to sleep and pick up where you left off you can never get back. I tried to get back to my sexy dream and instead I dreamt about bunnies. Not the bunnies I normally talk about – young, hot women – but actual rabbits. Grrrr. That really cool dream where I’m about to save humanity by destroying the evil warlord? Right as the action is getting furious I pull out my sword and my pistol and BZZZT! BZZZT! BZZZZT!!
The inventor of the alarm clock was a sadist.
I love the medication commercials! Prime entertainment!
You’re going to die one day a really old, bitter man. You know that don’t you? You’ll be screaming at trains as they roll by.
I hate not having a bottle opener when you have several bottles of ice cold beer on hand.
If my alarm clock was a living thing I would have been thrown in jail for murder a long time ago. Here’s a few things I can’t stand:
* People on cell phones driving
* People on cell phones walking
* When your blouse accidentally becomes unbuttoned and shows your cleavage
* When a boob accidentally pops out of said bra
* Going to a meeting and not feeling the cold breeze on the boob and then leaning over the conference table to get a handout so everyone can see said boob swaying in the wind.