The people that are close to me know that I’m in a pretty big blue funk lately. We won’t go into the specifics. Let’s just leave it at that. I’ve hit a depression that I need to work my way out of. I’m really lucky, too. I have a very understanding wife who is trying to both help me through it and humor me. I have work mates who offer me their advice (Jonathan, ‘the Plan’ is evil and will not work) and then I have…Sidney.

This past Wednesday Angela was still in Florida for a trade show. As is the usual when I’m at home alone, I need to leave work about 30 minutes earlier than normal so that I could let my pooches out. Angela wasn’t going to come home until the next day so I would be spending my evening all nice and quiet and alone. Me, the dogs and a bottle of Scotch. After feeding and exercising my dogs, I settled down to get some work done.

“bloop!”

Hey, look at that! An instant message from Sidney! “Droopy puppy, I’m getting off of work and I’m coming to cheer you up!”

Uh oh.

This is the beauty of this area – she can let me know at 5:45 that she’s coming for me from Bethesda and she won’t be here until close to 7 or 8. This is also the amazing thing about cars with GPS. I don’t have to give directions. If I did, she’d end up in Pennsylvania.

She rolls up in her little black Acura and we’re off. We wound up going to Sweetwater Tavern near my house and we had a really nice dinner and a few drinks. I was pretty happy that she said she was just going to have one drink since she was going to do all the driving tonight. ‘All the driving’? After dinner and a good amount of talking I thought I’d be ready to call it a night and hit the bed. Oh, no. My hot little blondie had another idea.

I love Sid to death. First off, she’s drop dead gorgeous. She’s funny and she has a great personality. If I was a single, younger guy I would have absolutely no problem asking her out and dating her. And, quite possibly, tying her into a human pretzel. However, I’m not so I just enjoy hanging out with the beautiful young woman.

Her bright idea? She brought me from Sterling to downtown DC. Her agenda? Get me a little more sauced and hit the strip clubs. Her treat.

I’ve often talked to my friends about my strip club routine: I never give a dollar to either the dancers or the waitresses. I think that’s stupid. $5, $10 and $20s are the norm. I also make it a point to sit at the perimeter of the club in the booths which is in accordance to one of my theories of strip clubs – preferred customers are not at tables in front of the stage(s). When Sidney said her treat, I chuckled to myself and then asked her ‘Are you sure honey? You really don’t have to. Really’. With that she insisted to pay for my drinks and also any tips to the waitresses and dancers.

She told me to open her purse. I opened it and laughed. She had about $500 in 5’s, 10’s and 20’s. She looked at me and smiled and giggled and said, “Droopy puppy, tonight I’ve got you all covered so let’s go have some fun!”

This coming from a 23 year old hot bunny. Ok, sure. After a little more arguing I finally acquiesced and off we went.

It was a strip club. Loud music. Naked women. Typical stuff. Sid and I sat in our booth and a random stripper would come by and chat with us (one or two still remember some of my friends that worked there). We were laughing and drinking (5 more Scotches in the evening and I was done boozing). We were having a grand old time huddled in our booth together.

And then it happened – Buckcherry’s ‘Crazy Bitch’ came on and Sid’s expression changed. Oh, boy. Why me? Here’s this young bunny wearing a short, tight dress (this is how you dress for work, Sid?!) starting to give me a lap dance. The strippers at our table were impressed with how well Sid moved her body. Hell, I was impressed with how well she moved her body. I’ll admit, Sidney is a very sexy woman. However, afterwards we couldn’t stop laughing. And yes, I am leaving out details on purpose.

After a few minutes of laughing and chatting, we both grew quiet in our little booth and we just sat there. I sat there, finishing the Scotch in one hand and holding Sid’s hand with the other while she leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder – the music blaring, disco balls sparkling and half naked women parading about. When I finished my drink, I looked down at her and said, ‘I should be getting home, Honey’. So we got up to leave and we walked back to her car holding hands.

The ride home was filled with bad jokes and stories. It was nearing 1:30am and I was wiped. When she dropped me off, I leaned into her car, kissed her and thanked her for the fun evening.

Let that be a lesson to all you guys who want to get me something as a present: please give me a hot, blond bunny who enjoys strip clubs, sports and bad jokes.