I’ve been sitting on these for a while and, boy, does it make my butt hurt. The following are just a few things I’d like to bitch about.  Feel free to vent in the comments section about things you don’t understand, get frustrated with or just piss you off.

What happened to the nipples?!

I know I’m not the first person to realize this. Way back in the day (ok, any time before the 1990’s) magazines and catalogs had no problem displaying a woman in lingirie and showing her nipple. I’m not saying this to be a perv, it just irritates me these days because you know that the image has been altered to remove any portrayal of a nipple. IT MAKES IT LOOK ANATOMICALLY INCORRECT, DAMMIT! I remember looking in catalogs with my sisters when I was a kid and whenever the underwear section would come up I would say “Oh! They’re showing boobies!”. Some would say that would be the hallmark of how I got to where I am today. But right there, during the late 70’s and early/mid-80’s you’d still be able to see the darkness of the aereola and maybe even the nipple hinted at through a bra. Sears, JC Penny, Victoria’s Secret, Frederick’s of Hollywood – you name it, there it was. These days everything has been air brushed or photoshoped to remove any trace of said parts of the boob. IT JUST DOESN’T LOOK NATURAL!

When did this happen? When did American society decide that the nipple or boob was an agent of  evil? Go to a European or Asian or almost anywhere else in the world and their magazines and catalogs show you an image of what a bra really looks like.  Pick up something in the states – from FHM and Cosmo to Maxim and Vogue – and if a woman is wearing an article of clothing that you know is see through (sheer top/bra, lace) it will be altered to remove that part of her anatomy. Stupid Puritanism.

Why in the hell are there fondue restaraunts?

Angela said that she and Inky might go to a place called ‘The Melting Pot’.  Whereas I originally thought it was a place for multi-ethnic dining or where they served you molten lava, it turned out to be a fondue restaraunt. You know one of those places where they charge you an ass load of money, bring you meats and vegetables along with other sauces and then sit you at a table with a pot of oil in front of you. So you can cook your own dinner. Let me say that one more time for the people in the back who may not have heard me – YOU COOK YOUR OWN DINNER. What the hell is that? I could have stayed at home and done that! What next? A rental camp fire where they bring you wood, a deer, some vegetables and a buck knife so you have to kill your meal and then cook it?

I am really just confused by that whole thing. Little slices of meat and vegetables are given to you with skewers and you are expected to prepare your own meal. This means that I would have pretty much paid over $16 for the joy of cooking my meal. Hmmm. I could have spent $7 on the same materials at the supermarket and done the same thing in my underwear at home. With my nipples showing! The concept of going out to pay for the opportunity to cook my own meal is just beyond me. What do I pay these people for? I pay to go out and not have to do that! Listen, buddy…here’s my $20, let me rent some space from you in the form of a table for about an hour and you go into your kitchen and cook for me and then serve me. That’s  the concept of eating out. It is a luxury to be able to do that. Cooking your own meal just smacks of someone pulling the wool over your eyes and stealing your wallet.
That’s it for now. I’ll rant more later. Here’s hoping that I don’t have a heart attack before the age of 40.