[Blog Warning! Adult Language!] Oh, Spam. Thanks For Mocking My Manhood.

I trap spam through my email using both Postini (the same tool used by Google) as well as Spam Assassin. Below is a list of the subjects of the messages which were trapped last night:

  • Be the artist of love!
  • Fill her up so tight
  • Make a life-changing decision you will not regret, find out more here
  • Women with menopause endorses product for men
  • Deflower all the girls at the club
  • Slap that ass of hers
  • Replacing windows saves money
  • Massive is an understatement
  • Re: yo mate
  • Karma sutra techniques for G-spots
  • For men with low libidos
  • This will help men even with menopausal women
  • You may never make a bigger decision than visiting our website here
  • Dirtiest Miley home video
  • They call it my third leg
  • We have helped thousands of men. Are you one of them
  • Her jaw will drop when she sees your new huge pecker
  • Keep dreaming of your dream girl, or make her yours today with our cool tips.
  • Women will do anything for this ice cream
  • Works on sports and laundry odors
  • Men’s best flavored ice cream cone for women
  • Make her wet just by the sight of your weapon
  • Find out how to be a studmuffin
  • Pop her cherry so many times she won’t let you out of her sight
  • Fill her with pleasure
  • Hurry-Limited Quantities-Spooky, Kooky, Ghoulish & Grim
  • Women will do anything for this ice cream
  • Medicare-Covered Power Chairs at Little to No Cost
  • August playboy centrefold
  • Sears-Remodeling Made Easy
  • Examine How One Can Go From Penniless To Earning $150/Day Online
  • She loves it when i go this much deeper, she gets overwhelmed by her orgasm.
  • Re: tracking number
  • New revolutionary products to help men
  • Michael, Save on Auto_Insurance
  • Generate the best love results here
  • Dirtiest Miley home video
  • Massive is an understatement
  • They call it my third leg
  • Sluttily attractive girls
  • Her jaw will drop when she sees your new huge pecker
  • Unleash your fury on her cherry
  • Give it to her rough and hard every night
  • Massive is an understatement
  • Are you willing to admit your inability to satisfy your partner in bed?
  • Every girl likes a large girth
  • 3-6 inches in growth guaranteed, it’s almost like magic except it isn’t
  • New revolutionary products to help men
  • Make sure she does not ever stray again
  • Want to help someone with a drug or alcohol problem?
  • She didn’t want me to stop
  • Arthroscopic Alternative to Spine Surgery
  • Watch her come so fast
  • Duplicate Content on Google, Bing and Yahoo
  • Russian dating site
  • Her jaw will drop when she sees your new huge pecker
  • The breakthrough male supplement
  • Nursing Assistant Courses Online
  • Best Price
  • October Nutrition Newsletter
  • Pop her cherry so many times she won’t let you out of her sight
  • Photo Editing Services – Photo Cutout [GB2312]
  • This may be your final notice for iPhone Full Details inside
  • How to make her your slave
  • She will appreciate you so much more after this
  • Give it to her rough and hard every night
  • Men who ignore this report will regret
  • Consultants recommended product for men
  • Fill her up so tight
  • Maximise your gain today – length and girth guaranteed
  • So massive I hurt her
  • Sharon says it’s the best thing that ever happened
  • Keep dreaming of your dream girl, or make her yours today with our cool tips.
  • Keep Your Self-Esteem After a Mastectomy
  • Be the man you always wanted
  • Find out how to be a studmuffin
  • Have you had an MRI/ MRA in the past 5 years? – MRI Lawsuit Information

From this I’ve learned the following: Spammers must have somehow seen me with my pants down and have something to say about my penis. My package. My junk. My wang, schlong, mini me, red hot poker, divining rod, moisture missile, etc., etc. You get the idea. According to my spam I am sexually inadequate.

🙁

What’s strikes me as sad are the items in bold. Not only am I about to be sold a magical pill/ointment/hypnosis cure to that will help my ‘physical attributes’ and my love life, it will also make my laundry smell clean and fresh. And, evidently, I’ll large have a super soaker water gun that I’m going to shoot at Angela…which will cause an accident and I’ll need to buy her a Rascal scooter.

Honestly, I don’t think I have any deficiencies, either physically or with ‘technique’. Spammers, on the other hand, think I do. Luckily, since I am using spam filters and trapping this crap, I don’t see any of this and my self esteem remains intact. Rather than question any part of my sex life, I can merrily go on my way immune to their persuasive ways of attacking my machismo.

Kiss my patoot, spammers. I am smarter than you and I’m onto all your mind games and schemes! You will never, ever, NEVER get me to fall for any of your traps by appealing to my libido or body consciousness. HA! I SCOFF AT YOU!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go finish my letter to the former Treasury Secretary for the President of Nigeria who is asking for my help to transfer $85 million dollars from their secret account to mine to help facilitate their escape from a coup.