Garth: Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?
Wayne: No.
Garth: Neither did I. I was just asking.

So, I understand that somewhere television and toy executives sequester themselves away and hatch hair-brained schemes in order to extend their brands and rake in more dough. The most recent case is the news that Dora the Explorer is gearing up to age a bit this fall.

I don’t have kids but I like cartoons/animation. I find it absolutely amazing how they take characters and seem to try and bleed as much blood from a stone as possible. Wasn’t it just last year that Disney took the lovable, fairly mute Tinkerbell and tried to make her more ‘hip’ and contemporary? The new, improved Tink even talks! Bleh.

And just in case you think that all of the brainiacs at the toy and cartoon studios are creative geniuses, the Dora team exclaims that the new version of Dora will be oriented to the tweens and will confront issues

QUOTE
The doll, which comes with a USB port and is compatible with online story lines that take Dora and four friends on new adventures involving the environment, social action and more, still has, as Sirard called it, the “Dora DNA.”

Go figure. That’s almost the exact same thing they said about the new Tink. The only thing they didn’t throw in the mix was ‘Girl Empowerment’.

We can see what’s going on. Children who first encountered Dora on Nickolodeon when they were little will now be able to buy all new Dora merchandise.

I think the new Dora is sorta cute. In about 6-7 years when they refresh her image again I hope to see what she looks like: a sexy, bilingual coed with a beer in her hand, a copy of ‘War & Peace’ in the other and pack of condoms sticking out of her bikini bottoms at Spring Break.

I wonder where they put the USB port.

Who knows? Maybe she’ll grow up to be the Latina Erin from E-Surance.