Sometimes, I Feel Like A Boob: Australian Chesticles Getting Bigger

I have several friends who live in Australia. Ok, let me be more specific: I have several girlfriends who live in Australia. They are all beautiful women who are pretty successful and know how to have a good time. While I was speaking to one online today we wound up on the topic of breast size.

Trust me, I have no idea how women find it so comfortable to just start talking about everything under the sun…and evidently under their clothes.

My friend Liz brought up the following article: 40 per cent of Australian women wear a bra with a cup size DD or bigger. My first thought was SWEET HEEBIE JEEBIES!! Liz had started evoking images of Australian women cavorting along the beach in their bikinis, all golden brown and sexy. She was explaining how her clothes were more form fitting and that she’s never felt sexier than she does now. That’s when good old me chimed in with:

“But isn’t increased bust size due to either surgical augmentation or an increase of fat?”

After being yelled at and reminded that Liz is very physically active, is only 125 pounds, 5’8″ tall and sporting only a healthy C sized bra did we get down to the crux of both the article and the epidemic: Australians are getting fatter. And then I pointed out that last year a study was done which exlaimed that Australia was more obese than the United States. And then it got even uglier. Whereas Liz pointed out that our populations and cultures are different and that the United States was still ahead of Oz in terms of being overweight.

Overweight? Obese? It really didn’t matter, did it? Regardless of how you split hairs the additional fat only increases the chances of type-2 diabetes. This erupted into an argument of which country is better, jingoism and then ugly nationalistic, stereotypical insults.

It was at this point our conversation went like:
Liz: Don’t you want to talk about boobs again?
Me: You mean obese, diabetes ridden Aussie boobs?
Liz: No, shithead! There are nice Australian boobs that aren’t due to obesity!
Me: ??
Liz: Naomi Watts, Nicole Kidman, Jacinda Barret, Kristy Lee Allen, Holly Valence, Nicky Whelan…
Me: See, you’ve fallen into the trap of using actresses as role models for body image?! Ok, granted, they all have nice boobs. But Nicole Kidman scares me. She only has one expression now.
Liz: Isla Fisher Cohen
Me: Damn you! Damn you and your kryptonite!

Thank you, Liz, for going on an Australian actress boob hunt with me this morning. And thank you, Australia, for the increased estrogen in your female population via their diet and birth control.

And thank you, Holly Valance, for doing Dead or Alive