WARNING! POSSIBLY NSFW. I was walking through the gorcery store the other day and, as I’m prone to do, I made my way immediately to the magazine stand. I LOVE MAGAZINES! They’re like books for the attention deficit generation. I can’t sit and read a book in one sitting because something always gets my attention and I become distracted. It really is a shame, too, because HEY! LOOK! A SHINY NICKEL!

Anyhow, I’m looking at all the magazines for fat, slovenly fellows (MAXIMFHMSTUFF, Martha Stewart Living, Animanga, PC Computing) when I glanced over at the selection of health magazines. Men’s Health, Men’s Fitness, Men’s Health & Fitness, MuscleMag, Muscle & Fitness, and any number of the combinations of ‘Men’, ‘Health’, ‘Fitness’, and ‘Muscle’ that you could string together. There were all of these guys with rippling muscles who looked like they had maybe a half percent of body fat (compared to my 80%). The bodybuilding magazines were the most interesting because the men no longer look like men. They look like mountains. Or a blob of fake, tanned sinewy flesh.

That’s when I started to wonder – if you’re a body builder and you take the opportunity to alter and shape your body into this Adonis like sculture, what in the world happens to your schlong? Seriously. You work and work and work on the rest of your body but do bodybuilders conscientiously build up their wang? Let’s look at what is a definite possibility. An average guy, about 5’8″ tall and about 180 pounds has an average penis size of 5″. He decides that he wants to do the work towards attaining a Mr. Olympia body and becomes a rippling mass of muscle – 5’8″, 200 pounds of muscle.

If the penis doesn’t grow proportionate with the rest of the body then here is this cut, rock hard mass of body that seems to eclipse an average size penis. I suppose it goes both ways, though. If you become pretty sedentary and just bloat your ass out then the penis still wouldn’t grow proportionate to the body size/mass.

Which is a shame. I would have so put on another 600 pounds just to see if I could grow a penis the size of an Oak tree.