First off, let’s just get this out of the way: most of us know that I delight in eating odd things. I’ve had several posts on this blog detailing my triumphs and my failures eating everything from various forms of Easter candy to hamburgers to who knows what else. If it is fried, I’m all over it. If it is fried and candied, I’ll consider it. If it is fried, candied and comes in snazzy packaging that has lots of colors and would normally appeal only to a 4 year old child or a Harajuku girl then, you got it, I’m your man.

Angela and I were in Borders the other day so she could buy books and so that I could look through the magazines. I was like a kid in a candy store. But did I buy magazines? No. I went to the book store and bought candy.

I know. I’m not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.

More specifically, as we were waiting in line, I bought this:

Rockaleta - the chili pop.

The warning signs were there. A big thing of swirling fire engulfing a lolipop. Oh, but no. All I could see was multi-layered candy goodness. I. Must. Have. So my wife – that wonderful, understanding, tolerant woman that she is – dutifully paid for it for me with the rest of her books.

As we exited the Borders, I unwrapped my treasure and popped that sucker into my mouth. It tasted like I had just gone to a bad Taco Bell and run my tongue over the men’s room floor. Oh, God, this thing was horrible. Whereas I had expected a sweet delight with a center made of bubble gum, a la Charm’s Blow Pops, instead I got something similar to asking for all of the socks of a high school football team after a summer practice stuffed in my mouth.

But I bought it so I had to finish it.

It was horrendous. Angela had to listen to me complain all the way home. When we finally got back to our shack I took the packaging out so that we could re-read it. Oh…there’s the problem. Everywhere it said ‘chile’ I thought it said ‘chicle’. Whoops. Whomever thought that a chile flavored lolipop with a mango gum center would be a treat should be kicked in the throat.

I should get a government bailout for this.