Halloween is almost upon us and it reminds me of the fact that I miss Thanksgiving. I don’t think that I was the first person to notice that Halloween decorations came out in August and Christmas gear came out in September. SEPTEMBER. Thanksgiving has been relegated to only one tiny corner in the Hallmark stores, pushed aside by the more flamboyant holidays.
Aw, nuts. I forgot that this post was about Christmas and not Thanksgiving.
Anyhoo, while Angela and I were strolling about a Bed, Bath & Beyond the other day I was taken aback by the amount of Christmas swag that was being pimped. That was until I ran across Santa and one of his reindeer. Like an excited 5 year old I grabbed the two toys and ran back to Angela who was patiently waiting in line.
Angela: What is it boy? What did you get? Did Timmy fall down the well? Try speaking English.
Me: Look at these! I must get!
Angela: Are you serious?
Me: *stupid ass grin*
Angela: (looks at the toys) Are you serious?
And so I present to you my new Christmas treasure – Pooping Santa and his reindeer sidekick:
I love how the deer is pooping into a bag that says ‘Santa’s Presents’. These toys will be coveted and passed down for generations (if I ever get around to having kids). Ages from now, probably after a nuclear war, rise and fall of our robot overlords and possibly the zombie apocalypse, people will huddle together and rejoice during the holidays and worship my holiday find. They will be revered and, knowing the bastardization of rituals over time, taken as an example of how the holidays are celebrated. People will run about wishing each other a happy holiday and then exchange…poop.
Future people, no need to thank me. Just remember to put me as a footnote in your history books as the man who brought you the true meaning of Christmas.