The Age Old/Old Age Question

Angela and I went out to dinner tonight. Oh, it was interesting to say the least. Let’s just get some info out in the open: I like women. Keep in mind, I’m not a perv and I’m sure every other guy out there is saying ‘duh, dumbshit’. But no, I love women. Not in the manner that says ‘oooooooooh, I wanna have sex with her’. Just an appreciation that there are some beautiful women out there. My wife understands (God bless her) and realizes that I’m not about to do something stupid an irrational to jeopardize our marriage. I just enjoy the beauty of women. Period. I don’t descriminate on size, shape, or color. Maybe on intelligence. Definitely on hygiene.

So we go out to dinner and we’re talking about how I’m going to be unemployed in a few days. In order to cheer me up, she gives me the good old “Be happy! There will probably be cute waitresses!”. I was a little surprised. Exactly how shallow did this woman that has been my partner for the past 5 or so years think I am?? We walk in through the doors and wait to be seated. I mean, come on – this is a Chili’s we’re talking about here. Nothing special or fancy. When the hostess finally comes to sit us down it just happens to be … a very, very cute blond girl wearing tight fitting clothes over a very slender, athletic body. Yay! Angela and I tend to call these cute girls/women we run across as ‘bunnies’. I have absolutely no idea why. However, if you ever hang out with me and all of a sudden you hear me say ‘ooooh! bunnies!’ then there will probably be an attractive woman close by.

As we’re sitting down having dinner, my eyes wander about. Our hostess walks by repeatedly however she doesn’t make eye contact with me. Which means that any type of good natured flirting is doomed to failure. Then I realize something horrific: I’m 35 and she’s probably no more than 18. Oh, dear God. I’m old.

At what point do young people no longer find older people attractive? I mean, I’ve seen some pretty depressing old people but come on. I’m not that old. Has it turned out that I’ve lost my ability to effectively flirt?! NOOOOOO! MY SUPER POWER CANNOT BE LEAVING ME! OH, PLEASE NO!! I’M ALREADY WALKING OUT ON MY JOB! DON’T TAKE THIS FROM ME!!!

I mean, I’ve seen several people in their 30’s who are absolutely gorgeous. But when does age finally set in and older teens/twenty somethings no longer find you to be a cheeky monkey? And when does it become absolutely pathetic when a 35 year old man finds the need to have to flirt with every cute girl who walks by? Face it – women hold ALL the cards and can dictate whether a man’s ego will either be uplifted or crushed beneath her boot. Is this why older men buy Corvettes?

Is it just that I’m not attractive enough for women to notice anymore?!?!

Yes, yes. I know. “anymore”. You’re thinking “did they ever think that at all?”. Screw you. This is my fantasy world in my mind.