So, our first lesson was simple – don’t be stupid. Or was that get pinned to the ground and ravaged by a cougar when you’re a young lad? Either one is a pretty good lesson. Let’s lean towards the first option, though. By being aware of what’s going on in the world around you, being able to speak about various experiences and by drawing on the vast amounts of knowledge you get by reading you should be able to meet and talk not only to women but also to almost anyone you want to.
So get out of your parent’s basement and take off that authentic Captain Kirk uniform and get out there.
Well, wait a second. Before you do there are a few basic things I think I should tell you.
Be confident. There is a difference between being confident and cockey. Confident means a little bit of dignity and grace and believing in yourself and your abilities. Cockey means…well, look at http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/ and you’ll probably see one with overly done hair and an orange complexion.
Unlike staring in fear at an angry bear, don’t be afraid to look someone in the eyes. Play chicken with people if you must. However, if you want to get someone’s attention you need to make eye contact. As soon as you make eye contact, don’t wig out. Think happy thoughts; friendly thoughts. If a woman averts her eyes and then looks back at you without screaming for the cops then your chances are pretty good. Just don’t come off as being a stalker. Your eyes help a person judge you. If you’re too big of a wuss to hold eye contact then you’ll never be the head hunter and gatherer in your tribe.
Try to dress well. Don’t go overboard. Everyone doesn’t have to know you have a Breitling chronograph (watch) because you wear it around your neck or you constantly shove your wrist under their eyes. Try and be simple and neat. This is sort of tricky. We already know that I’m somewhat metrosexual. I’ll just say try and do your best, make sure your belt matches your shoes, make sure your zipper is up and when you tie a tie make sure you get a dimple in the middle where the knot meats the fat end of the tie. Hose yourself off and try to clean up well.
Don’t just talk. Listen and listen well. People talk and tell you things you don’t know you need to know. They’ll tell you tidbits about their life that you should store away and recall at a later date. They’ll tell you their likes and dislikes, their family history, some of their quirks and numerous anecdotes that are worth their weight in gold if you’re able to recall it. I suggest you practice. If you can listen well you’ll figure out presents to buy, favorite meals as well as things that you didn’t think you’d ever find out. Like sexual practices, how a particular woman likes to be touched or kissed and more.
Be polite. I hate impolite people. I’m very intolerant about them. Guess what? Most other people are like that, too. Every once in a while be chivalrous and open doors or pool out a chair. Say ‘yes, please’ or ‘no, ma’am’ when appropriate. If you didn’t buy it, don’t touch it.
Smile. If you smile, you’re more attractive. Period. Smiling makes you inviting and draws people to you. I’m not talking about a fake smile, either. When you smile, use your eyes to smile, too. You, my friend, are the venus fly trap. Smiling is one tool that says ‘I’m not intimidating at all! I’m friendly! I like to laugh! I like to feel good! Do you like to feel good? Let’s feel good together!’
I probably have more but I’m tired and a little sleepy and Angela is going to make me shut down my computer soon so we can move furniture out of our office. Yay, new carpet in the office tomorrow!
Next post I have something special for you: a special guest writer!
damn you and your mind tricks! Don’t you have other tricks up your sleeve? I know your more evil than this feelgood self-help stuff
Patience, my pet. After the next post.
OMG http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/ is quite possibly the funniest thing I have seen in ages!
You do speak a lot of truth, though I must admit when I first met you I thought you bordered more on cocky, as in douche, than confident…
I to also “suffered horribly” under the tutelage of an older woman though not quite so large an age difference as you the lessons were very similar.
No, no…he’s a douche. Trust me 😉