I lament the demise of the good ol’ fashioned telephone. So much so that I’ve set my ring tone to be ‘old fashion phone’. I really miss the old phones and I sometimes think that all this technology we’re using today has sort of taken away some of what made the telephone such a grand tool.

One of my biggest pet peeves about all this new fangled gadgetry is that in order to hang up a phone all you need to do is press a button. Back in the day, you had to physically put the handset on the phone to hang it up. When you were angry, you would slam it and the person on the other end would definitely feel your wrath. These days, it just isn’t the same. Picture this scenario –

Argument on the phone in the old days
Angela: I told you that you couldn’t fit in those jeans!
Me: I could still fit in them! I’m still a size 29!
Angela: You haven’t been a size 29 since you were in Junior High!
Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
** SLAM!! ** /hangs up phone
Angela: Yeesh. He’s so sensitive.

versus the same argument today

Argument today over cell phones
Angela: I told you that you couldn’t fit in those jeans!
Me: I could still fit in them! I’m still a size 29!
Angela: You haven’t been a size 29 since you were in Junior High!
Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
** beep. ** /hangs up phone
Angela: BWAHAHAHAHA! Lame ass!

See what I mean? The satisfying slamming of the phone – to accentuate your point in an argument, to brush off telemarketers, to be a drama queen – has been replaced by a miniscule little beep. Phone manufacturers should create a little button that allows you to hang up in anger. Maybe something with an exploding noise or a simulated phone slam. Or maybe gunshot sounds.

* ring ring *
Me: Hello?
Elephant: Hello, this is the Republican Party looking for donations….
Me: AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
/presses new, shiny button on his phone

*KAPOW!!*

Still not as satisfying phsyically, but at least it would be something.