Valentine’s Day. It seems so apropos that it’s initials are ‘VD’. I’ll never really understand why people celebrate this ‘holiday’. Is it to finally get the balls to express their love to someone, to celebrate a relationship that has stood the test of time or maybe to line the pockets of retailers pimping flowers, chocolates, cards and anything shaped like one of the body’s major organs?

Oh, do I have a chocolate covered organ for you…

It isn’t that I really have a hatred for VD. I suppose I feel that it comes at such an inopportune time – right after Christmas/New Year’s, right before Fat Tuesday, Lent, St. Patrick’s Day, and my wedding anniversary. Can’t I get a little bit of a rest? Why do I have to keep buying presents and trinkets?

Why do I have to have a special day marked off to tell someone that I love them? Shouldn’t that be done every day?! Doesn’t this in some way or another trivialize my feelings and emotions? Isn’t this tantamount to artificially influencing another person’s affections by bribing them?

I know what you’re thinking: he must be a blast at parties. Whatevs. I fling poop at you.

Ah, well. Just in case some of you have forgotten and you’re too lazy to get your ass off the couch and to the supermarket or 7-11 to get your significant other/crush/love interest a card I’ll give you these files – the Simpson’s cards from the episode where Ralph Wiggums and Lisa Simpson get entangled in a sordid, one sided love affair. There are two EPS files for those of you who use Adobe Illustrator or Fireworks and two JPG files for those of you who don’t.

Download the 2.9MB zip file containing 4 files.

Download them only in case of emergency. Make them special – get your fat little fingers on some macaroni and some glitter and spice them up.