So, I was scanning the news the other day because, well, I’m still unemployed. That’s what we do. It is just that in this day and age of computers and the internet I no longer have to go walk to a park and try and bum a paper off someone walking by. Back on topic. So I come across this gem “4-ft separation for Seattle strippers“. Evidently, the city of Seattle has just passed a new law which will relegate strippers to

  • bans lap dances
  • bans tipping of dancers in their G-strings
  • require that dancers stay 4 feet from patrons to be enforced with a railing
  • no more private or secluded rooms
  • no physical contact between the clientle and the performers
  • clubs maintain at least parking-garage brightness throughout the premises

You have got to be kidding me. Instead of tipping dancers in their G-strings 0r their garter, they will have a tip jar. A TIP JAR! Make sure you know which jar you’re putting your money in. You might get confused and put it in the Jerry Lewis telethon jar instead.

For those of you that know me, I’ve been known to frequent strip clubs. I have absolutely no problem with them because, eventually, the allure of nekkid women fades and you go solely to drink and talk in a nice, darkened bar with loud music blaring. Really. I just happen to have this weird ability to attract strippers to sit and talk with me so I’m rarely alone. I find them absolutely fascinating to talk to. That is the joy of a strip club. You go there because it is sort of a place where you can get lost in the dark and drink.

Seattle, I feel so sorry for you. I have no idea why politicians feel the need to pull stunts like this. You don’t want them in your city? Fine, ban them. You want to keep the city clean? Great – zone your city so that there is an area where strip clubs can operate. And this is in liberal, hippy laden SEATTLE.

On a similar note, I got my cat’s crotch shaved this morning. It is called a ‘sanitary shave’ because she is a longhair. If you don’t do it, she gets all matted and gross when she pees. Yuck. I really, really appreciate the groomer who took the time to break out the clippers and shave my pussy…cat. All for the low, low price of $12! I was so happy to have this done that I made sure to tip her.

If I was in Seattle, I probably would have had to have put the tip in a jar, 4 feet away.