I’m an ass. Hands down, I’m an ass. OH! HANDS DOWN MY ASS! No, no…I can’t stand taking pictures. I really hate them. I feel stupid standing there waiting for a picture to be taken. So, I reckon that if I’m going to feel stupid then I may as well act stupid. I don’t think […]
I had dinner with Stacy the other night. We had been planning this for at least a week or two and we finally decided on a date and time.
I was walking through the gorcery store the other day and, as I’m prone to do, I made my way immediately to the magazine stand. I LOVE MAGAZINES! They’re like books for the attention deficit generation.
It is amazing how much headway you can make with women when they know you’re not trying to get into their pants.
I like being a guy, really I do. You know all the perks with being a guy – scratching your ass, farting in public, and being a complete idiot is somewhat expected of you. This, my friends, is the Power of the Penis. All hail the Penis!
You know, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be a woman. Think about it: in the war of the sexes throughout the ages there used to be only a very few people who actually knew what it would have been like to be both a woman and a man (the prime example is the Oracle Tieresias). Of course medical science has come a long way and these days it is relatively easy for someone to change their gender. But that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is what would I be like if I were born a girl?
…To us, sex was taking my Superman doll and making him kiss my sister’s Barbie doll. We had an inkling, of course, because my sister would press them together tightly, facing each other, and say ‘Look! They’re in love making babies!’. I didn’t get it…
So, a friend of mine celebrated his getting married today. Hmmm. Let’s keep him anonymous and we’ll call him “Sam Sadeghi”. Yes, that will do. He finally stopped playing with his Mr. Happy long enough to actually get hitched to his girlfriend of the past few years. This was all well and good and it was great to see him and his new wife. The thing that was fascinating to observe, though, was how different cultures behave in get togethers.
Many of you know that I have the sleeping habits of a bat and that I can get by on only a few hours a night. When I say ‘few’, it can be as little as two. Don’t get me wrong – I like sleep. Some of my best friends sleep. I think my parents often sleep, too. But me? Meh. I feel like the world is going by without me if I’m asleep. When I do sleep I find it to be one of those very nice, peaceful places where I can just relax. Well, you would think so. I never knew that going to sleep would actually require The Ancient Arts of Sleep Combat.
The mall. We went to the mall. This place is virtually a Bunny Buffet. The only bad thing about it? Most of the time ogling a bunny at the mall would land you in jail as they are typically teens. And the worst part of this teen age phenomenon? For the most part I CAN’T TELL HOW OLD THE YOUNG GIRLS ACTUALLY ARE! Which makes me feel like a dirty old man at times. A dirty, old man who is paranoid that just by thinking a young woman is attractive the FBI is about to pounce on me.
So, I was scanning the news the other day because, well, I’m still unemployed. That’s what we do. It is just that in this day and age of computers and the internet I no longer have to go walk to a park and try and bum a paper off someone walking by. Back on topic. […]
So, I’m sitting here at my computer and I’m staring at my dogs. They just happen to be sitting next to me, sleeping as I work. I am so happy to have such goofy dogs. So much so that I am not sure that I ever want to have children. I mean, look at the picture of Angela’s dog, Tobey.
Shhhhhhhhh…come here. Let’s have a nice, quiet conversation, shall we? You know – just you and me all nice and intimate because we’re friends. I want to let you in on a little secret: Today is my last day of work. No, no, silly. That isn’t the secret. The secret is that while I’m here […]
Angela and I went out to dinner tonight. Oh, it was interesting to say the least. Let’s just get some info out in the open: I like women. Keep in mind, I’m not a perv and I’m sure every other guy out there is saying ‘duh, dumbshit’. But no, I love women.