I love this time of the year. Yes, yes…I’m a lech. So bite me. Anyhow, this is one of the few times of the year the high school and college bunnies are all out of school and out shopping in force. Let’s analyze that last statement –

Shopping = one of Michael’s favorite things
Bunnies = another of Michael’s favorite things
Trampy Bunnies on winter break = almost enough to bring a tear to my eyes

There is something fundamentally wonderful about going out and seeing the winter shopping bunnies in their element. Armed with their credit cards (either their very first from college or mommy and daddy’s), they prowl the malls and stores looking for holiday presents, necessities to bring back to school, and – in my special world – slutty clothes. Do you think I’m joking about that last tidbit? Have you seen what some of these girls are wearing these days? It can be -376 degrees Kelvin and they’ll still be walking around in their skin tight, low rise, hip hugger jeans with their midrift showing.

But who the heck am I to complain? Is it my fault that they show off their tattoo on their lower back wearing clothes like that? No, I say! Is it my fault that my eyes automatically lock in on them when they bend over or kneel to get something? No, I say! Well, ok. Maybe that part is. But what am I supposed to do? Any immediate baring of flesh is like throwing chum in the water.

And it is all almost coming to an end. In just a few weeks Winter break will be over and all of the bunnies will go back into hiding. No more flirting in the malls or busy stores. No more small talk at the Starbucks. No more striking up conversations with scalding hot chicks on the Metro trains (and before anyone asks, I already told Sidney that I thought she was hot so there are no veiled references).

My God, I’m already a dirty old man. Meh. I’ll learn to live with it. Now if I could only trap one of these bunnies by using a gift certificate to a trendy store in the middle of a snare…