Oh, man. There are few things that drive me bonkers than those online quizzes that people take on Facebook. It isn’t the fact that someone is smarter than me, is a better Star Wars character or would be in a better clan in Game of Thrones. It is the one simple fact that I DON’T KNOW WHAT MY OTHER OPTIONS ARE.

It literally makes me go nuts. Here’s a good for instance: a lot of people have been taking the ‘What State Do You Actually Belong In?’ quiz on Buzzfeed. The first time I saw it I was all ‘Oooooh! That’s interesting!’ And then I took it. It turns out that I should be in Ohio along with all the other honest people. I know Ohio and what the people are like. I think I’ll pass on making that move to Cleveland.

After a few other people started taking it (my wife should be in Washington!) I started to get annoyed. What are the characteristics separating all of the 50 states? I’ve only seen maybe 4 or 5 states mentioned in my timeline. What if I’m missing out? WHAT IF THIS FRIVOLOUS, SEEMINGLY ARBITRARY ONLINE QUIZ GOT MY ULTIMATE DESTINATION WRONG AND I SHOULD BE IN AN INFINITELY COOLER STATE???

Call it the Pandora’s Box syndrome or something. I couldn’t stand not knowing that which I was missing out. It pestered and tempted me, much like having that one big pimple on your nose when you were a teen and your mom told you not to pop it. But you did.

Ergo, just like the ‘IQ Quiz’, I fired up my web browser and grabbed all of the final results from the source code so that I could see what I was missing. The result? I started getting annoyed. Who, exactly, made this person qualified to assign these stereotypes not only to the questions in the quiz but also to the states?

It appears that the author doesn’t care about U.S. territories and the District of Columbia. Nor, if you look closely, two states. Dear reader, can you tell me which two states?

Which State Should You Live In?

1. Alabama You’re a sociable person – someone who takes their friends and family seriously. You’re loyal, and never one to turn your back on a pal. You love a good ol’ fashioned get together, something fun and not too wild. Roll Tide!
2. Alaska Do you like trees? I’m guessing you like trees. Good news: Alaska has a lot of trees. You’re someone who appreciates kickin’ back and watching the day go by. Being stressed out is never on your plan for the day. Here’s to taking to easy.
3. Arkansas Now here’s a good state. People might count you out or not give you enough credit – but you know what’s up. You’re constantly working hard behind the scenes, providing and solid foundation for any situation. And you know what? You’re way better than Kansas. The extra “Ar” is CLASSY AS HELL.
4. California Would you ever want to live anywhere else? You’re a warm person, inviting, and creative. You’re the state equivalent of slam dunk. Of a hat trick. A home-run. A touchdown. A hole-in-one. Whatever happens in cricket. Sometimes you get a little wrapped up in your own head, but you also know how to kick back and appreciate all that’s going on around you.
5. Colorado You’re a reliable person, someone friends and family can count on. You’re constantly there for those around you and it shows. You’re the kind of person that people talk about and say “I love that dude!” People also say you can probably beat them in a foot race often, too. Trust me.
6. Connecticut You’re old school person who appreciates the past. You might even be living in the past, but that’s okay – it’s much nicer there, anyway. You connect with people, and sure enough you cut through BS. Those other punk states in New England don’t have anything on you.
7. Delaware Now before you freak out about not getting California – hear me out: Delaware is cool as hell. You know what the state motto is? “Liberty and Independence.” INDEPENDENCE! That’s right, you don’t NEED those other 49 chumps. YOU’RE DELAWARE! RUN FREE, DELAWARE. GO FORTH, LITTLE ‘WARE!
8. Florida I’d advise you to stay away from large reptiles and outlets. I’d also advise you to stay away from tractors and freeways. I’d also advise you to not listen to anything I just said because you’re Florida and you don’t GIVE A HOOT. You’re a free spirit and even if that gets you in trouble from time to time you don’t care – you’ve got the rest of Florida to back you up.
9. Georgia You’re not a small Eastern European country, you’re a wonderful, wonderful part of the United States. You’re a sweet person, kind, caring, and an all-around good guy or gal. You do things unselfishly with others in mind. Keep up the good work, Georg.
10. Hawaii Why move anywhere else? You’re your own person but that doesn’t mean you don’t have anytime for anyone else. You’re always a shoulder to lean on, and a person people can talk to. Let’s be honest: you’re probably the most attractive person in the room. You also have big waves. Big, wonderful waves.
11. Idaho You’ve got to trust me on this one: Idaho is probably the best result here. You’ve got it all – a great personality and an even greater attitude on life. You know that you’re severely underrated but it doesn’t bother you. You just keep doing your thing – everyone will come around in time. Also, potatoes.
12. Illinois You know that people having those “New York vs. LA” conversations have it all wrong – it’s all about the ‘nois. From the north to the south you’re a varied person. You’re complicated – calm at the same time you’re stressed out. It doesn’t matter, though, because you’ve got it all figured out. Feel the ‘nois. BE THE ‘NOIS.
13. Indiana You’re a friendly person but also someone who doesn’t take a lot of crap from anyone. You can be a little neurotic from time to time, but that comes with the territory. Once you trust a person, there’s nothing that can separate the two of you. You’re a good person to know.
14. Iowa First things first: you’re not Idaho and you’re tired of people mixing the two up. You don’t obsess too much over appearance, you know you’ve got it all figured out. You’re a confident person who isn’t afraid to take the lead on something. Also, you have many vowels in your name, for what it’s worth.
15. Kansas You’re in the middle of everything – literally. You’re a person who likes to get involved in other’s business – but not in a harmful way. You just like to be in the know. Also, while we’re at it: ARKANSAS CAN GO TAKE A HIKE! They think they’re so clever adding “Ar” to our name. Well, guess what, chumps: YOU’RE NOT. YOU’RE A BUNCH OF POSEURS.
16. Kentucky You’re a very welcoming person, someone who is never a stranger to anyone. You’ve got a good attitude on life and radiate that positivity constantly. People might have a good natured poke at you from time to time, but you don’t let that bother you. YOU ARE KENTUCKY, HEAR YOU ROAR.
17. Louisiana You’re the life of any party and someone who is great to have on your side. You can probably drink like 10-15 beers at once. Not even in succession, at once. You’re a creative person, and even if you get a little wild from time to time, you’re a good person to know no matter what.
18. Maine You’re a very open person, someone who is not afraid to show how they really feel. It may take a little time to break through your emotional barrier, but once someone gets through it all comes out. You’re not afraid to go it alone or do your own thing, and you also make one hell of a lobster.
19. Maryland You’re a welcoming person with a wide variety of friends from all different backgrounds. They might not get along with each other, but you sure do. You’re a bit of a peacekeeper, and someone who stays calm when the grid goes down. Your name might also be Mary. If it is, this is your land. Do with it as you please.
20. Massachusetts You’re tough as nails and not afraid to tell people what you really think. That can work for or against you at times, but it all doesn’t matter. You’re a unique person, and someone who doesn’t care what others think. You’re as humble as you are rambunctious. You could also probably beat Connecticut in a fist fight.
21. Michigan You’re a smart, friendly, and relaxed person. You can get along with most folks relatively easily – it’s just not a challenge for you. You’re easy going and not likely to get involved in other’s business. You just keep doing the Mich thing, because it’s working for you.
22. Minnesota You’re a person who appreciates taking it easy as opposed to being active 24/7. You’re a calm person and your attitude can’t help but rub off on those around you. You’re a down to Earth person who makes everyone’s life a little sweeter.
23. Mississippi Everyone knows about you – you’re hard to forget. You make a great first impression and leave a lasting one in most folk’s minds. You’re easy to get along with, and a very pleasant human being. You’ve also most likely got an ’S’ in your name. That’s cool too.
24. Missouri You’re a person that’s not afraid to take too many risks. Hell, moving to Missouri is a risk in itself. You’re a person that analyzes the little details in things but doesn’t get too worked up over them. You’ve got this figured out.
25. Montana I know what you’re thinking. “Montana? NO-tana!” That would be all well and good if Montana was actually pronounced like “Moe-tana” but let’s be real: you should be elated. You’re definitely a relaxed individual, someone that takes there time to ensure you get the perfect result. You’re warm, open, and a good person to have on your team. Go Montana, GO!
26. Nebraska You’re as friendly as friendly can be. You’re a loyal person, someone people can trust, someone that doesn’t turn their back on a friend. You’re a bit old fashioned, but that doesn’t stop you from letting loose every once in a while. Bask in the ‘Brask. BASK.
27. Nevada You like to party. You like, you like to party. You’re a fun-loving person, someone who is willing to cut loose at a moments notice. That’s a good thing. So what if you end up with a lampshade on your head at the end of the night – it was totally worth it. You’re the human equivalent of Las Vegas – flashy, expensive, and totally awesome.
28. New Hampshire Live free or DIE HARD. You’re a regular John McClane. You’re a problem solver, someone who is ready to handle whatever situation comes their way. No job is too big. You’re a motivated individual and someone who isn’t afraid to take on projects others are too nervous to take on. YIPEE KI YAY!
29. New Jersey Don’t be disappointed. You’re a person who may be the butt of jokes, but you know the truth: you RUN THIS SHOW. You’re a person that doesn’t take crap from anyone, someone who is often in charge, someone who is extremely loyal to friends and even kinder to enemies. You always get the upper hand. Even if you might smell a little bit.
30. New Mexico You like to take things slow and easy. You’re a person that doesn’t let stress get to you, someone who tends to focus on the more creative aspects of life rather than the nitty gritty. What’s the point in stressing out, anyway? Everything will take care of itself. Also, chances are high that you watch "Breaking Bad."
31. New York Let’s be honest: this is the best result on this quiz. Who wouldn’t want to move to New York? Chumps, that’s who. A buncha chumps. You can act a bit crazy at times but, then again, who isn’t a little crazy from time to time? You’re spontaneous, candid, and the most exciting person in any room. I want to hang out with you. Keep it up.
32. North Carolina You’re someone that knows what’s right and tries to do whatever they can do to make what’s right a reality. You’re hardworking, conscientious, and just a fun person to be around. Also, can we talk about your Southern brother? No? Yeah, who needs ‘em.
33. North Dakota HELL YES! You might be a little guarded, but once people get to know you they find out what a great person you are. You’ve got a wall around you and that’s fine – better that than the opposite. People might think you’re a bit cold at first, but in reality you’re a person that cares deeply about your friends and family and that’s all that matters.
34. Ohio Ohi-YES! You’re an honest person, someone who isn’t afraid to let others know how you feel. Others value your opinion immensely, and they should. Besides that, you’re an adventurous person – why else do you think Ohio has the most astronauts out of any state? Blast off, friend.
35. Oklahoma You’re a person who’s concerned with doing what feels right, someone who realizes that every decision has a consequence. That doesn’t stop you from being a kind, loving person, though. You can be a little wild at times, but that doesn’t stop others from looking to you for advice. You’re a good pal.
36. Oregon You’re the most creative person in any group. Others look to you for advice on how to better spice up things, and they should: you’re basically a the human version of hot sauce. You spice up the blandest occasions. You’re always on the cutting edge of the newest thing. You ever hear of Tire Gum? Andrew’s Sister? Plaid Dads? Of course you have.
37. Pennsylvania You’re the most extroverted out of any of your friends – you’re often thought of as the “leader," someone who makes the plans. People admire you for your “go-getting” attitude, even if you can be a bit temperamental at times. Whatever, it comes with the territory.
38. Rhode Island You’re a person that might be looked over from time to time, but you know your true importance. You’re a hard worker; someone that gets the job done. You’re someone who isn’t afraid to take a risk despite not knowing the outcome, someone who isn’t afraid to lay it all on the line. HELL, YOU’RE RHODE ISLAND! YOU’VE GOT THIS!
39. South Carolina First things first: you’re way better than those suckers in the North. Who needs ‘em. Now that we got that out of the way, let’s talk about you: you’re a relaxed person, someone who isn’t going to stress out about every little detail. You prefer to go with the flow and takes things as they come. That’s totally fine.
40. Tennessee It’s hard to find a kinder person than yourself. You’re a person anyone can find something in common with, someone that can find a solution to even the muddiest of problems. You always have an air of confidence about you and it shows. Also, I feel like I need to say this: you’re the only Ten I See.
41. Texas HELL YEAH! YOU GOT TEXAS! YOU’RE THE BIGGEST AND BADDEST OF THEM ALL. YOU’RE SOMEONE WHO ISN’T AFRAID TO TELL OTHERS HOW YOU REALLY FEEL, AND YOU’RE NOT AFRAID TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. YOU ARE A LIVING CAPS LOCKS, AND THAT’S SOMETHING SPECIAL.
42. Utah People might think you’re a bit weird, but honestly: you’re the kindest person in any room. You’ve got nothing by nice things to say to people and you’re always there to lend an ear. While Nevada and Colorado are out running around town, you’re being responsible at home making sure you’ve taken care of everything you need to get done.
43. Vermont You like to take things one step at a time making sure things are done properly. You’re someone who appreciates every moment and are never someone to get too worried about this or that. You’re always up for hanging with friends or just exploring on your own. You’ve also got some great syrup, so there’s that.
44. Virginia You’re the ORIGINAL. People look to you for advice and follow your example. You’re a well-rounded person: professional but not afraid to cut loose from time to time. You’re mature at the same time you’re immature. You refuse to be pigeon-holed into one group or another and that’s something to admire.
45. Washington You’re a bit of an introvert, someone who prefers to stay relaxing at night rather than being forced to go to the club. You don’t care about being the center of attention, you just do your own thing. You prefer to do things on your own terms, whatever those terms may be. You’re not one to get caught up in drama.
46. West Virginia You can be a bit of a negative person at a time and are often a bit of a pessimist. Maybe a realist is a better way to put it. That doesn’t mean you’re not kind, however. You are a very gracious person, someone who is thankful for all they have. At the end of the day you’re the hardest working person you know, and you wear that on your sleeve.
47. Wisconsin You are down for anything, anywhere, anytime. You love meeting and hanging out with new people. But you already know that. In conclusion, GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS! GO PACKERS!
48. Wyoming You have a penchant for enjoying the “little things” in life. You’re not one to get swept up in whatever the hot new drama is, you’ve got bigger fish to fry. You might even have a literal fish to fry. You’re a great person to know, someone who loves to kick it and talk about whatever. Fish fries, shrubs, sports, politics, it doesn’t matter. You be you.